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Body language or Kinesics is a term developed by behaviorists to refer to the way various human gestures reflect feelings and attitudes. The simplest manifestation of this is how we shake our heads from side to side to signify that we disagree; or its opposite, nodding to show that we agree with what is being said. Rubbing the back of one's ear connotes lying; while rubbing one's nose usually indicates confusion. But what if the person making the gesture actually feels the exact opposite inside? This is where a lot of psychological analysis needs to come in.
The truth is, we don't always gesticulate to mirror how we really feel. A classical example is a woman on a psychiatrist's couch who kept telling the doctor that she was still in love with her abusive boyfriend; yet unconsciously, she was shaking her head from side to side as she spoke. In fact, if we are to be honest with ourselves, we are probably as guilty as the woman on the couch from time to time.
There are many reasons for faking it, so-to-speak. The foremost reason is social pressure. A good example is how we sometimes tend to conceal how we really feel towards certain people in the workplace, such as the boss. The boss asks you how you feel and your first impulse is to say, "I'm okay" or "I'm great." Yet deep inside, your mind is worried if you can meet the deadlines that your boss has set for the day's workload.
How gestures betray us is an oft-used skit in movie scenes. In Total Recall, the villain was telling Arnold Schwarzenegger that he wasn't lying yet one full drop of sweat was ready to run down his forehead. Of course, Schwarzenegger was quick to shoot the liar. Luckily, in real life we are not that quick with the trigger.
Kinesics is nothing short of a detective job. As a matter of fact, P.I.s rely a lot on this inexact science to track criminal behavior. For example, an inexperienced lawbreaker would be fidgety with his hands while being interrogated. A trained criminal, however, would refrain from hand movements lest he betray himself. He knows that the sleuth is looking closely for any signs of nervousness. On TV, politicians who hardly move their hands as they speak are presumed as consummate liars who know better than to betray themselves.
But what about a woman, who's accosted on the street, presumed as a prostitute because of the coquettish way in which she walks? Herein lies the danger of taking Kinesics too far. For all we know, that woman really walks that way and that she really doesn't mean to flirt. Another example is a woman seductively eating an apple but with really no intention to flirt with the man she's with in the sofa. Or the teenage boy who looks as if he is genuinely interested with his date, but in the actual he's raring to go home; he just happens to have naturally sparkling, Demi Moore eyes.
This is where proponents of Kinesics draw the line. They know that there may be individual differences involved; or for that matter, cultural variations in gestures. In Spain, for example, women walk with lots of graceful hip movements. It's not an invitation to flirt, which usually gets male tourists into trouble. Singer Ricky Martin is known to shake his bonbon in public, yet to him it's just a way to express his body rhythm, though women around the world may view it as an erotic gesture. Says Martin in an interview with the New York Daily News: "It's part of my culture in Puerto Rico."
Considering individual and other differences will keep us out of trouble. While Freud the father of Psychoanalysis speaks of sex when two individuals bump on each other; it may all be just a purely accidental occurrence for most people.
Perhaps body language is most apparent in photographs. If you love looking at old photographs in particular, you can tell in an uncanny way which individuals are in good terms and which ones aren't. Sometimes, you can even detect with pinpoint accuracy where sibling rivalry is going on in a family portrait.
Here's how you do it. Negative gestures are legs or arms crossed; or more space than necessary between two people. These gestures say, "back off, I'm not interested." In contrast, people who walk with their legs wide apart are more likely than not, very open and spontaneous people. Examples are Golda Meir, the former premier of Israel; former Philippine President Corazon Aquino; and the late Princess of Wales (remember her photograph, which caused a royal scandal because she wasn't wearing any half-slip beneath her skirt?).
A good rule of thumb to follow when analyzing if people are really telling the truth about themselves is to put their gestures and spoken words side-by-side like some specimen on a Petri dish. If the two happen to be at odds with each other, most likely it's the gesture that is telling the truth. But then again, watch out for people who may be playing body language like some skilled poker player.
Finally, the art of deciphering the truth through body language is a skill that needs constant polishing. It's not something that you learn overnight. It needs constant application by training yourself to be a keen observer of people. And since you are dealing with a really inexact science here, use it not for voyeurism but as a means to stay out of trouble.
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